Grief is considered to be a universal and widely felt experience. Odds are, every single one
of us will go through grief at some point in our lives. Grief is not always about the loss of a loved one. Grief can happen after a breakup, the loss of a job, or any major life change. Understanding the stages of grief can help one work through the mourning process. While each person's grief looks different, there are often some commonalities.
A psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed the Kulbler-Ross model, which detailed 5 stages of grief. They are as follows: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Not everyone's journey through these 5 stages looks the same. Some may follow them exactly, some may go out of order, some may skip steps, and some may go back and forth. Mourning and grief are not linear.
Denial
Denial is often the first part of the grieving process. It can stem from shock about the situation. Many people are not quite ready to face the pain of what they lost. So, many will be in denial of the event. It allows the person to process the event/loss gradually. As one moves out of the denial stage, more emotions will begin to emerge.
Anger
The anger stage can be displayed in many ways. People may begin to feel frustration and anger at inanimate objects and others. The feelings of anger often serve as a mask for other emotions that are not ready to come out yet. The anger can also manifest as bitterness or anxiety. Mostly, the anger serves to cover up the pain that the person is feeling.
Bargaining
When in the bargaining stage, people attempt to search for or hold onto hope. It can lead to the individual feeling helpless or vulnerable. Many also turn to a higher power, hoping to make a "bargain" to reverse their loss or heal from their pain. They feel prepared to make sacrifices to change what has happened.
Depression
At this point, many are ready to begin to process their emotions in a healthier way. The pain starts to manifest more quietly and the true emotions start to emerge. Someone in this stage of grief may also experience fatigue, loss of motivation, loss of appetite, and confusion.
Acceptance
This stage is all about being able to cope with what has happened. It is the recognition of what has happened and what it means in your life. It does not mean you are okay with what happened or will never think about it again. It means you can move forward, cope in healthier ways, and recognize that your life is going to look different now.
There Is Hope...
Grief looks different for everyone and so is the healing process. By having an understanding of these 5 stages, one can better understand what they are going through and how to cope with it. Therapy supports and guides you as you move through these stages. It provides a safe space to process emotions, unpack and understand feelings of sadness, anger, or guilt. With a trained professional, you can explore healthy coping strategies, manage anxiety or depression that may arise, and develop resilience as you work toward acceptance.
The grieving process takes time, but with the right support, you can move through it with understanding and hope. Seeking help is a courageous step that can make all the difference in your journey to healing.
Grief & Loss FAQs:
What is grief and how common is it?
Grief is a universal human experience that arises from loss. It's not limited to the death of a loved one and can occur after any significant life change, such as a breakup, job loss, or major transition. Almost everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives.
Are there stages to grieving?
Yes, a widely recognized model for understanding grief is the Kübler-Ross model, which outlines five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Do I have to go through all five stages in order?
Not necessarily. The Kübler-Ross model is a framework, not a rigid roadmap. Each person's grieving process is unique. Some may experience the stages in order, while others may skip stages, go back and forth, or experience them in varying intensities.
What does the denial stage look like?
Denial is often the initial response to loss, acting as a buffer against overwhelming pain. It can manifest as shock, disbelief, or a reluctance to acknowledge the reality of the situation. This stage allows for gradual processing of the loss.
Why do I feel so angry during grief?
Anger is a common stage in grief, often masking deeper emotions like sadness, pain, or fear. It might be directed at oneself, others, inanimate objects, or even the situation itself. This anger can be a way of expressing the pain that's too difficult to confront directly.
What is the bargaining stage in grief?
Bargaining involves searching for hope or a way to reverse the loss. This can manifest as making deals with a higher power, engaging in "what if" scenarios, or promising to change behaviors in exchange for undoing the loss. It reflects a struggle to regain control in the face of powerlessness.
Is it normal to feel depressed during grief?
Yes, depression is a natural part of the grieving process. As the initial shock and anger subside, the reality of the loss sets in, leading to deep sadness, fatigue, loss of motivation, and changes in appetite and sleep. It's important to seek support during this stage.
What does acceptance mean in the context of grief?
Acceptance doesn't mean forgetting the loss or being okay with it. It means acknowledging the reality of the situation and its impact on your life. It allows you to move forward with a newfound understanding of yourself and the world, integrating the loss into your life narrative.
References
Holland, K. (2024, September 30). The Stage of Grief and What to Expect. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief
Silva, S. (2024, July 19).The 5 Stages of Grief: Understanding the Mourning Process. PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief#7-stages-of-grief
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